Family Alive

Yes, I’ve been quiet on the blog-front this week.  My apologies.  I’ve been battling some grumpiness, and we’re still/again struggling on the sleep front.  This is kind of a rambling, late-night post, but it’s the thoughts that have been bouncing in my head all week.

Tuesday started out really rough, as Josiah slept fitfully during the night and decided to start the day at 5am.  I’ll spare you the other grumpy details, but I was overwhelmed with the day by 9am.  I had planned to go to my monthly Mothers of Preschoolers meeting at 10am, which I had missed last month when I was sick.  I almost didn’t go because Josiah only got a short nap before we had to leave. 

I’m so glad I went, though.  On the way over, I heard the Mark Schulz song, "I AM" on the radio, reminding me that God is… all the things I needed Him to be at that very moment.  It was the perfect quieting to prepare me for a restful time at the meeting.  It was really encouraging to fellowship with other moms who are going through the same struggles, trying to be the best mom to our children, wanting desperately to model the love of Christ to them.  It was honest, real, and convicting.  

Tonight I went to a missions banquet with Brian’s mom.  The speaker again shared something that spoke to me about her experiences as a mother.  Another deeply convicting personal story of a mother’s weak moment and her response of humbling herself and asking forgiveness of her daughter.  

Our children are watching us.  They are see our habits – good and bad, they see our weak moments and they learn from how we respond to them.  I know that mothering has challenged me in more ways than I’ve ever been challenged.  I am not naturally a patient person… I’m impatient and quick-tempered, and I have plenty of other faults.  But the only thing I can do as a mother is to cultivate MY heart, soaking up the promises of God in the fruit of the Spirit… love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  

At home church last night, the question was asked, "What do you really want in life?"  I knew immediately.  I want to live a life that lets my children see Christ through me.  I want to spend time in the Word for myself, but also, I really want Analise to see that this is an important part of my day and to grow up building the same habit in her life.  I want my children to see that God’s word speaks to our lives today.  I want them to grow up knowing His word, and to do that, I have to know His word myself and put it to use in my life.  I want to walk in patience in those moments when Analise doesn’t tell me she’s got to go potty, but instead creates a puddle in her bedroom and proceeds to dance in it.  I want to love her through her toddler-tantrum moments and model patience in her endless, repeated requests. 

There are so many things I want as a mom… but to achieve any of them, I must take care of my heart, my spirit.  I need to come to source of the Living Water, and let God refresh my dry spirit.  I need to ask Him to order my day before I roll out of bed in the morning, and ask Him to fill me with His spirit so I can face all the demands with the supernatural love, joy, peace, patience and self-control that I’ll need.

So to sum it up, I’ll always be striving to be a good mom.  But the only way I’ll every be a good mom is to cultivate my spirit with God’s love.  Another day awaits…